Is this what it takes?

If you think that I give a shit about you, you are correct. I care that you made my life hell, I care that I will forever be scarred, I care that I will always hate you to some extent. If your life was in danger and I could help you, I would. But would you help me? Would I be sorry that I put my trust in you? Everything you do I hate. Everything you believe I hate. You act so kind on the outside. How can you sit there and be nice to everyone so that you can be deemed a good person? And when someone goes against what you believe you must hate them? You might think what you do is the right thing, but is it? If religion is all you have, are you just living in fear? I do not claim to believe in god and I don't think I ever will again. What you believe is sad, only doing what is correct so that you may go to heaven and be judged worthy by a dominant figure in your head. Would you love your god if their was no promise of heaven or hell? If that is what it takes to do the right thing by all means great, but why does it take the threat of an eternity of suffering to do the right thing? I want to be a good person, and I hope that I am, but I will always have some form of hate for you. I am sorry that is just who I am.