H

The softness of the wind is growing into a steady rhythm. The Waving branches on the trees are laughing at you now. You cannot go back, because you cannot change time. It is time for you to grow up. It is time you saw the signs, and wake up.

nothing

And now that it is all said and done,

Do you find yourself thinking you want to be gone?

And now that the sun has revealed how it shines,

are you willing to die?

It does not even matter who you are.

It does not matter that you have lost.

Nothing matters anymore.

You are running around in circles.

You are dying without a catch.

You do not need anyone,

but you cannot let go to your imagery.

If you asked me,

No, I do not regret anything.

If you ask me,

No, I cannot be here.

If you ask me,

Is it because he loves you?

But why the hell do I feel so lost.

Why the fuck do I feel alone.

Why am I so pathetic.

I do not know.

And if it makes you feel better,

I care.

I can say I do not care,

Like I want to,

But it makes me a coward to my own mind.

And I was always right to begin with.

I was always wrong,

But it matters.

And I care.

I am chained to myself,

Because I am so foolish,

I am so lost.

I thought I was doing what was right.

I thought I knew.

But I do not know anything.

Not one thing.

And I do not want to the same way I do.

saving the world

The moment you step out of your dreams you wake up and you cannot take it. The moment you step into reality your inocent eyes are taken. But the moment you mess up you are looked upon with rage or dissapointment. How can someone be mad when the world is the most messed up place in the world and there are people a million times worse? The answer is that we need to beleive we can still hold on to the pure image of those dear to us. When you wake up from dead sleep do you find yourself lost? Is the moment gone from you, is it hopeless, are you gone? The moment you wake up you forget, and thats okay. You can save your dissapointment for a different day. The truth is something you may not reconize because it is hopeless to change. The world was paradise, a gift of infinite treasure. We ruined it all. Everything we skrewed up, everything that has hate, is slowly withering this earth and everyone away. You can only hold in yourself to be holy and unchanged. You can only tell yourself only good comes to you, comes from you. Is that so hard to believe? Maybe, but I cannot change your heart and mind. I can only change myself, to be better, to be kind. I will be kind.

shadows on the other side

In the shadows of a corner at the far end of the room,
Comes a sound that is beautiful with a ghostly tune.
In the heart of the singers soul,
There is a face so beautiful.
And she shakes,
She can't live anymore this way.

From the shadows of a corner at the far end of the room,
Comes a sound that is shaking the world,
As the singer shakes her whole fragile frame.
And the atmosphere is black as a bird in a cage.
The hearts of the strangers cannot take it any more.

From the shadows of a corner at the far end of the room
Comes an image as beautiful as its tune.
No, I cannot take it anymore.
And her face tells the story,
Of that distant land.
And her eyes are grey as pools filled with sand.
Oh, and I cannot take it anymore.

And she cannot let go,
To the most lovely thing she has ever known.
And she cannot fight back,
Against the wind of a far, distant land.
As she remembers the day she was born of her love.

Oh, what is it like,
On the other side?
Oh, what is it like,
On the other side of the dark?
It is just darker,
The people still dead,
These menaingless words are jumbled in her head.

From the shadows in a corner at the far end of the room,
Comes a beautiful sound with a ghostly tune,
And I know the way to the other side.
Oh, the colors all collide,
The faces with blood that has dried.
And she cannot let go,
To the most lovely thing she has ever known.

lovely

When the moment was right I found myself laughing and planning my plots and living like golden shining beams of light. I felt laughter come to my eyes and my heart felt so whole. The trees merrily swayed to a lazy breeze and an early autumn leaf fell from the branches. The summer was almost over, but my dreams were so alive. I think that happiness is like a cat, cute and cuddly but feirce and intimidating to prey. Even at this somber relization I still feel contented. Maybe that was the trick maybe it was my time to finally live. All I know is I noticed how everything was lovely. Colors were brighter, smiles were wider, and love was abundant. It was all because that was the day I looked at myself and could honestly say I thought I was beautiful. The emotionless barrier lifting I found I was able to cry. Able to let go and I felt so alive. Now I feel the same. I still relapse into thoughtful emootionless silence but I know a freind called lovely who can call me back to her any time.

Take away want and the world would be better?

Even if you do not have want, what else do you do? Is it lonely in your head when you have nothing pulling you? Do you feel fine and whole or do you feel empty?

To dance would be nice, to feel, to breath, to be. Do I seem hopeless in my antics and fears? I am one of many who want to understand. If I dissapear would there be a difference in this world, or would it be the same? I always ask brfore i state, but why would I have it any other way? I may be ignorant but if I am blunt in my ways will someone correct me so I am no longer naive?

Anything that you want you have to work for, but would you have it any other way?

My love

To find people fall so evenly into traps haunts my every waking dream. The things that they want are as selfish as they seem, but why do I keep asking for more? My love would be sweet and sincere, but the depression inside me decides for me that I am not worth it. Am I being selfish in asking for help? I feel so stupid for giving in to what I want and the way that I talk. The truth is the colors just don't blend too well. I want to be loved but all I can see is the wrongness of everything in me. All that I care for is torn to shreds as I find myself thinking what a horrible mess. I find that I keep hoping surely I will end up happy, but I am not cinderella and my life is not sappy. The cold hard truth still does not weaken my hope, and I guess I will find out the hard way if my heart will be ripped out.

screwed

Just when I thought I was getting somewhere I screwed up. I wonder about myself and whether happiness just avoids me. I am never good enough, strong enough, cool enough, together enough. I will always be an akward kid.

words

The words you want to express are burning your tounge.
The power to resist everything is a daring temptress,
But all that matters is to make someone understand.
The perfect words, the perfect face,
Will you be the one to understand what I say?

falling is a feeling no one will soon forget.
Into the ocean the sun set goes, is it beautiful?
You cannot make yourself believe that this is where you want to be.
All you wanted you do not understand, you cannot speak.
The perfect words are gone, impossible to be heard.