Is it enough to want you to hold me as I sleep

If my thoughts for you

Were waves that don't recede

Just merge on into undulating seas

If I just want to feel

Would you watch me crumble

If I just want to feel

Would you hold me together

And love me with no ghost

If I just want to feel

Would you let ungodly sobs

Enter the room we could sleep in

Where there's air enough for us

My smiling face

Watches you laughing

I don't want this to be

Something disintegrative

But when I leave you

I feel empty

I just want to feel like it's enough

Could you feel that for both of us

I wanted everything

To have beauty at it's core

But my sickness grows and grows

I just want to breathe

But everything is colored with mud

And now I'm stuck here longing

For a forgotten touch

I don't know how to love you

I just know I do

I don't know how to hold you

I just know I want to

Let the right one in

Floating complications nest here in the fall

Yellowed tongues and wisped hair

Wonderment of dry things

Crisp your thought and heart

What is left of me, what is left of my mind

It all sours into the night

Into the separation of a gift

Of a severed hand with frozen fingertips

Water down my back

Is no hindrance

To those who love the chill

Who love the complications of the feel

I am the ugliest fracture

The ugliest of all

I yellow and I protrude

I wanted to

To be warm by your body

In my mind would be whole

The white and the blinding

That covers the hole

That I left to myself

To fill

To feel at all

Waiting changes of the crease

You left inside my skin

Brown and grey and yellow

The moles that dot my chin

Converging into one

Blinding me from within

It seeps into my blood

It kills only to live

To stand next to you at all

Would you let me in

To stand next to the warm

Would you let me take your hand

To be were I felt it at all

Would you let me in

I am the ugliest of all

My skin is choked and frayed

I am the horrible thing

That frightens you in day

Would you let me in

Would you let me stay

Child

You don't understand

You feel the need to backtrack

And make all of my hurts

Magnified to the tenth degree

Do you keep feeding on me

do you still take my energy

Even after I left your side

Left you despite my pride

To keep on and see you through

Do you still suck me dry

Even after all this time?

You were a small child

But in your mind you were old and wild

You thought you were an adult

And you were so depressed and ripped through

No one could ever love you

No one could ever help you

So I tried and I tried

And it nearly killed me

You fed off my soul

And you still blame me

I can see it in your eyes now

All you are is false

I can see it in you face now

You didn't even try to feel me

To take in one thing

I told and gave you

You didn't even try to see

You selfish infant

You crying child thing

And I give so much

And I never ask for much

But couldn't you just care enough to think

Were you so stupid you can't see

And I want to hate you

But you make it so I can't

And I want to hit you

But the sound would make me blanch

Do you still feed off me

After all this time

Are you still so selfish

Am I the one whose blind

And I want to make you see

But you don't even have a clue

In fact your probably blaming me

Your probably hating me

For my nonexistent crimes

And you have no clue

How withered and dry you make me

You have no clue

How angry you make me

You have no clue

How you break me