Forgotten Fire

Birds feel the empty air

They keep on making noise

They seem without a care

But they feel the tension that is there

The silence that will never be golden

Birds feel the empty air

God was never fit

Never threw a fit

God was made to sit

and grow and grow and grow and grow

As the world was collectively in awe

Never realizing god was so small

That their own tears were bigger

Their own fears were bigger

That god was always the stranger

The air was stagnant

The shame was withering

Flames still and not even flickering

The air was cold and slow

The birds felt it

They flew away

The birds flew away

Terrible

Let it be known that the places we sleep are growing on us

Till we weep and we follow it like sheep to the edge of reality

Let it be known that the places we keep are killing us now

Are making us weak

I was shaking from sorrow and I thought it would be kind

To let me just weep but the tears stayed in my eyes

I thought I knew the way to shape what I have

But I am still rising into the heat

I am still breathing in these noxious fumes

I am still feeling the sickly yellow growing inside of me

Like I have no say in anything

Because I was born to bear this place

And it has been killing me and growing on me

Let it be known that I can't feel anything but this

I can't believe in anything but this and the hope that someday I can make it disappear

I put on this wool and I wore it all around

But still I was cold and the chill was in my very bones

Still I was breathing in this cold this freeze

It was chilled to let me hurt in every way possible

It was cool just to taunt me and berate me for being so

If I could ask you if you feel lonely sometime would you turn from me

If I asked you just to stay with me would you be going sometimes

If I asked you to hear me would you do so willingly

This chill is killing me from the inside

I needed to believe someone loved me would I be so selfish as to believe I needed you

Do I love you or is that just my all encompassing need

I'm sorry so sorry so fucking sorry

I'm lonely so lonely so fucking lonely

I'm terrible I'm terrible I'm so fucking terrible

I'm angry I'm angry I'm so fucking angry

I'm weary I'm weary I'm so fucking weary

But I'm so grateful for everything

This earth has giving me

So why does it sometimes hurt so much

Why do I have to feel at all

Why must we fall and fall

I fall I fall I fucking fall

Always I fall

ramblings of a separate peace that rattles in my skin

The sorrow is beautiful

Even if it is black and creeping

Even if you catch it weeping

It is the foundation of the way in which we step

The way in which we bless

I can feel it in my bones

And it feels so set and cold

It was longing to be reached

But it dangled and it froze

But it is so overrated

It is so far fetched

It is not so evil

It has just been set

It was so lovely the way it comes to sound

And if I sound deranged

I hope that now

I hope that I am lucky enough to be strange enough to see

That the world is moving out of focus

And into focus

And forever shifting feet

I wanted to believe that I am broken and unsure

But I am just the opposite

And I feel guilty for this hurt

I feel life as it was writ

And I feel life as it is pulsing

This sorrow is so lovely

This sorrow is a token

And if I sound evil

I hope it to your ears

For I could care so much less

Except to hope you change your fears

I am none but human

I am shifting shifting evaporated

I am bound to what I gained

And I am free to what is gone

And if I sound so shallow

Sound so deep

Sound so cold

Or stupid

Or retched

I hope it to this place

That keeps the truth and lies for measure

And I stand here and I wonder

How these words put into action

Can justify anything

When in truth they mean nothing

caught

Weakness was hard to prove

As we drifted off to you

We settled are spouts and crimes

Even if it didn't feel right

How do you go about

Sitting and waiting to shout

When all along all you need

Is to just do what you please

They told me to do it too

But they didn't follow through

How could you be so blind

To not even follow your own advice

Greeting and waving and laughing

All of these things taken in passing

I want to be a boulder in the sand

So they can watch the shadows that I have

We wait like rocks in the river

Waiting and waiting forever

But all along the river passed us by

So we never noticed as we eroded

I wanted so much more

But time followed me to shore

As I made my last goodbyes

I sit here and wonder why

just feeling

soft shapes and soft faces

the places where i see them

the feelings that i bring to them

i feel peaceful

I feel calm

I feel light and waiting

places that were full of bad taste

fill me up with nothing

too content to care now

too wanting to berate it

i see your face

and it makes me smile

just to sleep here

warm and knowing

just to wait her and pretend

that i can see the future

i feel crazy but so warm

it conflicts me

it confuses me

it grows in me

i want to tell you that i care

i want to tell you but i'm scared

please feel the same

so i can feel the same too

and it can grow and grow

and envelope us whole

watching, waiting, sitting, craving

I painted my fingers orange

But it didn't change the way I saw them

I painted the sky red

But it didn't change the way it sat there

I painted the mirror white

But it didn't change the way it taunts me

The chill was shaking me

But it didn't change the way it felt to me

It didn't change a single thing

And maybe because it was always there

Always waiting to reappear

Breath caught in the breeze

The bees don't buzz above tall trees

Tornadoes come leaving things a muck

But they don't really notice much

It is all the same

Tornadoes come and ruin what I built

But I don't really notice much

It is all the same

Bursting through the clouds

Making joyful sounds

But underlying all is the feeling of the fall

The feeling of the chill

In my bones

In my ears

In my shoes

And in my hair

I want to leave it alone

But it grows and grows

Churches and people

Steeples and preachers

Where does the rain end

What was ever left to defend

I watched it wilt

I watched it brown

The song it sung was missing sound

I cleansed my soul

But my soul was based on grief

And it built on that

And it sleeps and sleeps

Jutting edges don't cut me so deep now

Sharp pieces dull in their sleep

I pictured my life here

And I watched it sleep too

I watched it bleach

I watched it set in the ground

Till it could not be pulled out

And still I sit waiting for it to reappear

i cannot breathe

where does life begin

i see the way your smile spins

i tried to see what it did to me

but nothing helped my path

i wake up and wait to see

what my days and body brings

but i am stuck

i cannot breathe

i wanted this so i could play my part

but doubt and reason rip me apart

faces of a crystal glass gleam together

but you can still tell them apart

what if i could break that mold

be so bold?

what if i could think an actual thought

i wanted this to help me think

set in my skin a healthy chink

but what if it just weighed me down

what if i don't know how

i needed this to help me breathe

but the more i feel

the more i think

i just want to do

wait and see

where do the people go

lost in problems to big for the world to know

how could someone break that mold

i will never be content

living the same life

as the people before me

never be content with the things that bore me

but still i feel

and with it i still believe

that i could live

i could still breathe

i wanted this

i needed you

but until then

i cannot move

i cannot breathe