I am alive

Oh how my soul is fated to these woes

But it's stupid and it's childish

And these things are harmful to me

But I don't have to feel a thing

And the reason for my youth

Is so that I can be alive

Don't I want to be alive

I can spend the rest of my life exploding in my intellect

But can't I just feel

Can't I just recollect the things that make me smile

Can't I love someone outside my mind

And feel a touch

And be alive

Be alive

Be alive

Keep tellin' myself that I can't make

That I don't get it

That I'm not getting it right

But can't I see the art in me

It doesn't have to be the same

And can't I see that nothing else

Is to blame for my false incompetence

So they can watch my difference grow

And maybe they could become alive in it

I am not so young

Not so quick

That I don't acknowledge the state I'm in

When I'm depressed

And I can feel that it can creep

But for now I'll reap what I sow

And open up a textbook

And complete a work

And go to school

And face the world

But I am happy in this

And I can be alive in this

Do you see my fingers as they fly against the keyboard

Do you see my mind whirling

Do you see the glint in my eyes

My mind is youthful and my eyes are old

My body is youthful and my blood is old

Do you see these thing become me

I am not so that I am not

I am so that I can see the world

With calculating eyes

And be okay to rejoice once or twice

Just because I'm young

Just because I'm alive

I don't want to breathe

Just breathe just breathe

I don't want to breathe

I want to be the air

And flow into everything

Become something beyond me

I don't want to walk into the storm

I want to be the storm

I want to be the stars and the planets

And the complex atoms

I don't want to be tethered down

By earthly thoughts and situations

My body is caging me

Constricting me

My brain limits me

I can only speak

But how can I conceptualize anything

Across language

I am language

And how can I see a thing

When I am it

I want to transcend demensions

transcend time

How could I own a thing

When I know it

Don't want to contemplate these things

Understand these things

Don't want to look at things

And be so constricted

In god we trust

I want to trust god

But I don't trust we

It is a merging of things

That cannot be merged

They are seprate

I'm not we

If I trust god

I am god

And god becomes

But god is simple

Believed by minds

That are limited

And so we become

And I am not god

You believe in this

And I believe in an I

That became a we

I am lost

I am meloncholy

I am we

I don't want to breathe

I want to be the air

But my brain makes it so

Impossible can stare me down

And kill me

thought by thought

Breath by breath

life at its best, I wear it like a crown

If this chaos is a catastrophe

My mind can let it carry out

If this is nothing to be of worry

My mind can watch it dance

But the pleasant thoughts

Are thought with care

Your faults and my blames

They come so quickly

But I'm fine with that

This is how it is

And it's fine

Waltz

What is this music

A sound of waltzing

A time for changing

I felt like singing

And when I felt it

I could not want to constrain it

I am a lonesome wordless beggar

But when I hear the sounds

My feet unthaw and reverse their decay

And when I start to sing

My body rings

With the vibrations of my call

And when I start to dance

At once, at last

I feel the beat of my heart

And when I see your face

With unflawed grace

I cry, I cry these tears of joy

I hear the waltz

I seal my lips

But the smile there

It can't be missed

And my wind winds down

My heart retreats

Back into dusted corners

And my body becomes

A symbol

My soul a tethered

My eyes to keep

How I love that waltz

How I love the beat

Changing doesn't feel so wrong

What if I was smaller than I am

I don't feel so young but yet I am

And my mind travels frequencies

And battle grounds for more than long

What if I turned dark

Would I be so evil after all

Even if lust wasn't so wrong

Even if this was just the insanity to my genius

Would you see that maybe I'm turning now

That human is so wrong

So set in a cage to age and age

Never knowing a different side

A different light to capture and let out

Would I feel so wrong

Betraying who I am

Do I even care who I am anymore

There are so many things left to explore

And the feeling of want in my heart

Is hard to stop once it's had its start

And I'm tired of coming to the same conclusions

Tired of going round in circles

Tired of being the same helpless being

In my mind I am so sad and so strong

But I think it's all wrong

All wrong all wrong all wrong

I don't want to be a new person

Just better

And these cliches don't mean a thing to me anymore

Am I going dark

Am I

To not know death

Because I did not know death

I would never leave this place

Because I did know fear

My soul would tarry here

My life to uplift none

And my mouth to be kept shut

I have no love to give

I have no liveliness to live

I am broken to this ground

And this ground is captain of my fate

It leads me to the plane

Where I have no escape

And to be less of terrified

Would make my blood run cold

And because I do not know death

My fate is set in stone

Gone am I

Gone am I from the ones who once knew my name

Gone to the wind man's toll

Gone to the world I know

That is covered in sand

And dusted with shame

Gone am I from the ones who once knew my heart

They glimpsed it there

And they gave a start

But never will they know my soul

And never will they hear the toll

Gone am I from the ones who once knew my fate

They tarried me here

They shouted their leers

They caused a long shriek in my belly

That permeated my skin

Gone am I from the ones who disillusioned me

I once knew them too

And their souls were so neat

With boxes and folders

And small labels covered their hearts

I never knew that ones so cold

Could warm to the dark