Sad

It's a wonder

That I have not felt

The certain sinking sadness

Since I could call you mine

But now that I can't make myself

Understand these equations

I've been falling through this water

Without the float you put me on

I can't swim when I'm choking on the dark

And I can't make myself want to

This foreign language is meaningless

The coldness starts again

The breath so shallow again

I'm already tired of it

I'm already done

But don't you know, it's just started?

Charles

My Grandpa's gonna die

And I will fall down to the ground and cry

My Grandpa's gonna die

And my mother will be so messed up

For a very long time

My Grandpa's gonna die

And he'll be with grandma in the sky

My Grandpa's gonna die

And his stories will be left behind

My grandpa's gonna die

And I'll keep on living all my life

My Grandpa's gonna die

And all the things he told me

I might forget them all

My Grandpa's gonna die

He's got cancer in his brain

My Grandpa's gonna die

And I love him

And I miss him now

And I'll miss him for a very long time

The night

I remember when I was just a few years younger

When I would feel so lost inside myself

How that one night lying on the floor

In a sweaty pair of flannel pants

I wore for the occasion

Just to feel comfortable as I laid and tried to sleep

And then my restless mind couldn't take it

So I wandered through that church

And I would begin to think of you

How I was willing you with my mind to notice me

Willing you to raise from your slumber

Out to the room I was in

So that we could occupy the same space together

And hold on to this shared something

Just laying in the night

How I wished with all my might

Just for you to know

This warmth in my chest

Felt ten times more than wonderful

And it was all due to my fondness for you

I couldn't help myself for feeling sad

As the impossibilities of you

Becoming tethered to my need

And reaching out

Became apparent

And I knew it would be a long time too

If it ever was to happen

I didn't know it yet

But that was the night I fell in love

And I know you fell a long time ago too

So I tried to sleep

Never knowing the change in me so deep

Was starting

Emotions

Why in the world

Could it ever make sense not

To want this deep sadness

Reside in your chest

Because it becomes a comfort

If you hated it

You might be more motivated

To change it

And that's how it gets

And it grows to an extent

I don't imagine I'll ever tame it

Why in the world

Does everything turn brighter

Your heart feel lighter

When you see the joy

In being so free

When I am happy

I feel this inside of me

The sudden bursts

My smile and grace

And most of all

I see your face

Why isn't it enough to love you

Why must the struggle be so true

If I could stand next to you

I would feel your skin

Feel electric with it

I would become this gentle monster in me

Wanting to seduce you

In all the right ways

But I never see you

So no, it's not enough

But it is too

And I feel like the animals do

And I feel like the philosophers do

And I feel like the tortured musicians do

And I feel like you

And I feel like myself at last

And I feel like I'm crazy

And I feel like myself at last