i would be

to see where you are

to be where it starts

to understand the place where you parked

to see where the sun sets

to be where the sun sets

i would be fine

i would be fine

to know that everything had its course

to love and be loved

to be where the world starts

to feel all the beat of hearts

to be calm and assured

to see where the horizon line blurs

i would be kind

i would be kind

to know that the world begins anywhere

to feel with the wind

to keel in emotions

to keep on holding

to keep frozen frozen

to keep heat hot

i would be whole

i would be whole

to know that the world is spinning

Holes

Creeping on a tree

A lonely vine

Holding on to something

For support

For their life

Something was amiss

Something was awry

Why does this become

Why must our minds lie

To know everything

And nothing

All you are is gone

It doesn't really matter

It doesn't really shine

Holes in the floor

Holes in the roof

Holes in the walls

Holes in the proof

they eroded

And decayed

Without a second glance

And now they are left

Forever sitting ducks

To the erosion

To the hurt

And now all that is left

Is to pick up the mess

And hope it goes quickly

And turns into dust

Tired

I keep feeling lost

I keep beginning to hope

Just to get squashed again

I keep running in circles

Getting way over my head

I keep wanting to shout it out

But it always stays in my head

My eyes are dry

My feat are bare

My life lives on without a care

And I stick to it

And I breathe it

Always around

And I feel in it

And I dream in it

Always without without making a sound

I can here my own voice

Talking in a monotone

And I can hear the desperation

That I know that they hear

And I know they want to help

And I know that they can't

So I am stuck in square one

Where I know I can't get out

And I am tired of it

Just tired of everything all the time

Tired of being here

With images assaulting my mind

I want to let go

I want to live

But it's just holding me back

I am so tired of it

Just tired

Tired

Tired of it

Alone

hello

i see this grave place

i see this empty space

i want to begin to understand

to hold on tight to anything else

but there is nothing there

besides the wait

and the dripping of heat

as the crack grows wider

and the feeling grows

the emptiness expands

until it consumes

and undermines

hello

i see the growth

i see the destruction

raging inside me

calm, while breaking bit by bit

all i can do is wait

but it is strung so delicately

and i don't know how to wait

it might not ever come

when do i start to look

if it snaps then i am done

forever to be in this expanse

of never relenting pain

until i shrivel to the dust

hello

i see my fate

i see the false

but the pretense

and the fear

i want and i need

to just hold you in my arms

and be safe

can't stand this hurt

pretending to be okay

when all i know

is everyday

how alone

i feel

and hope not to stay

hello

i see this dream

i see my need

i see the feelings i am too afraid to speak

more than lust

or status

or anything at all

just the pulsing

and the waking

and the pull of the waves

waiting to feel anything but the way it feels right now

waiting for it to grow back into the shadows

But the waiting is never enough

meh

Sometimes I want to jump and just feel

And breathe in the the air and discover the chill

Of a warm breeze against skin

The feeling of sun in my lungs

But the feeling of loss is never far from

And the city lights are crying out

For the forest and the sea

They never looked back to wallow

Still they drift farther and farther

It makes me want to scream

To just cry

Why does it hurt like this when all there is to life

Is to live and then die

The summer comes faster here then ever

When I want to be there

But I can't because I am disappearing

And I am messing up

And I am feeling

Feeling lost and alone

Like they told me it felt

But I could have never known it hurt so much

And I had to feel so much

I was so used to just being and not feeling at all

Anger in me at not really understanding

The set way of my feet and the jagged intake of breathe

The music that I hear

The places that I see

The food that I taste

And nothing but a memory

I am singing for my song to live

I am singing to give my heart away

So that I can truly live

Am I just too naive

Or not naive enough

I live and breathe and feel and believe

But it is never enough

I want and I need and I shrivel to dust

But it is never enough

I am gone to this

I am born to this

I will die to this

Do I see myself as clearly as I make out to do

Or am I living here, not having a clue

I am broken to this

I am set in this

I am bleeding to this

And still I feel

I feel so easily

And it is gone

Gone to the breeze that brought me there

Pushed away to be brought up again

Slipping into clouds and textures

Believing in the nothingness

Joy is all I have

But it is going sometimes

To leave me out to drift

But the feeling is gone now

Leaving me wondering what I missed