I know

You don’t have to tell me you’re disappointed, I already know.

You don’t have to punish me, I already learned.

You don’t have to love me anymore, but somehow I know you do.

I feel so stupid because I don't know if I can change.

do I have the will power? Do I want to live this way?

I hate this, I hate myself.

I know I do not hate, I am just sad.

I failed.

At everything I have ever done.

And right now it feels fine to be sad, to feel nothing at all.

It kind of scares me, but somehow I know I can change.

Somehow I know I cannot.

I am just wilting away.

I.

sometimes I feel like I am ready to fly,

But tonight I feel I could die.

I do not feel sad, nor glad,

I just feel ignorant.

I am happy sometimes,

And when I am I feel stupid.

When I am mad I feel I know what the world is.

How can I live in anger and helplessness?

I feel so alone, I feel so tired.

Why does the world have to be so stupid.

Am I the stupid one?

I feel so lost and conceited.

I want to give my full self,

And I thought I knew who that was,

But now I feel broken and I don't know who I am.

Hell

The ocean swirls away from me.

The wind blows away from me.

The earth crumbles under me.

Fire burns beneath.

If all hell is, is fire,

I am not afraid.

If all hell is, is desire,

I am not afraid.

I have known these thing,

Hated these things,

Indulged in these things,

But I have not grown immune.

Hell will be terrifying.

I am not afraid.

Hell will try and deceive me.

I am not afraid.

No matter how much fire,

The amount of desire,

It will not satisfy me.

I will never be happy without purity.

blend

Would you care if I died.

Would you cry?

I would not cry,if I died.

You see I would be dead.

I would be away from earth.

But if I had the capability to cry from my death,

I would not.

I would not be sad.

I am not suicidal, I would not be glad.

I would feel sorry, that I have left.

But not because I missed it.

I would simply be.

I would simply fall.

I would simply like to take a walk with the stars.

And if you choose to feel for me,

Cry for me,

I would feel sad.

Life is experience.

It is like a game of cards.

You have your hand, it may not be what you wanted.

Of course it is not.

No one is ever satisfied, it seems.

But if I were to die I would feel nothing.

I would be gone.

Gone to a place where I could simply be nothing,

And blend into the colors of my being.