Drowning

All the things that I wanted to be

Never told me that I would just quit

And everything else that runs through the dark

Is conspiring to make me feel like shit

Maybe this time next year

I'll again have too much to drink

And end up with my hands smelling like vomit

And my face smelling like guilt

I am drowning

With or without you

And it doesn't make me feel nice

I am drowning

In a sea of my own faults

And I'm so tired of trying to be strong

All the things that I hate

Are running strait out of my pours

Into the night like a rat

Straight to the hearts of the people

That I have claimed to love

So listen clearly when I say to you

I don't want us to live this life

I am drowning

Don't think that you love me

Even if it feels like you do

I am drowning

I'll lose my mind

And end up without a direction

And don't think for one second

I have any clue what I'm saying to you

I'm afraid

And I'm lonely

I have no thing left to do

Than delve into my misgivings

And pretend I don't know how to feel

And maybe I'm trying

To feel like I know what to say

Maybe

I am drowning

And all that's left

Is to give my last breath away

I am drowning

I am recreating all the things

I've been meaning to say

Proud

What was the last thing I was truly proud of

It seems like all my thoughts, emotions, words

Mean nothing when I have no use for them anymore

They mean nothing as I mature

Into better, bigger things

But were does my conviction go

Were does my absolute certainty

That I know where I stand in my own mind

Flee to when I no longer feel what I am

What I was

Is right

And how do I get up from my own self

Bringing all I believe in, down

And why is there only one right way

Only one thing bigger than the rest

Is it really love

Is it faith or truth or loyalty

Is the world always hipocracy

And if none of it means anything

Will you still be here

To enjoy it while you can?

Human

Your vision of the dark night

And your song about the truth

Your feelings of one true love

And your vision of a ghost

All are compounded

By a simple rule

Of I don't care

And never will

You only carry what you believe

And anyone can believe a thing

If it makes them feel anything

Close to free

Of the madness in

Their own heads

Listen deep

Listen true

Listen to what

Your own heart

Does to you

Beats beats beats

Pulse on

Blood rushes to the surface

Scratching my own skin

Just to feel normal again

That's so stupid too

What is an intelligent thing

That's so stupid too

Your willingness to believe

Your willingness to give in

And say all you have

Had

All your sadness

Means something

Even more precious

Than your smile

Because it is what you feel the most

And this is why I'm a cynic

Of all the whole damn human race

Earth

A pace too slow

Too fast

To keep on track
With its own self

Oh to be human

Oh to have a mind

Too big for instinct

But not big enough

To even control itself

And this is what I mean

This is what I believe

This is what I think

Nervous Kiss

Fabric made of silk

Is it made to appreciate

Or just to slip away

I can't make you change

But I can watch you grow

And if you'd kiss me

Things would change

As always

Is it a lie or a complete truth

To love without faith

Or all the faith in the world

If I could touch you

Without the complications

Of the false implications

If I could make you shiver

In a different way

Than the nervous smile you give me

And then flutter away

If you could hold my hand

With no direction in which to stand

It's okay just kiss me

And everything will change

Is that so scary

Don't tell me it's a case of

You want what you can't have

And when you have it

You don't want me anymore

All this brooding

All this thought

All this longing

Leads to something

Sometimes

You could let it be

A slow, slow slumber

Or you could take it at a run

Kiss me now

Everything could change

It will be okay

Life right now

My entangled lives

They collide

When I'm too tired to mind

And if you said

That you're naive

Well then I'd say how come

Because only the people who want to be

Something they are not

Try to prove it

And the people who really are

Try to hide it away

The rain will fall

And I will be happy

But it's never a sure thing

Is that the charm

Or the vexation

I'm of the inclination

Of the former

But if we were to climb that latter

Like a two headed beast

Would we be anything that's worth it

If we can't find the beauty of nature

And grief

But enough of that

I can say how to sing

I can sing a song of breathing

But I can't make the weary say

Oh how they love the feeling

So you either pack your bags

Or you spread your seeds

And that has no account

For counting me

It starts with the heart

And into your eyes

Straight to the neurons

That think your alive

So be gentle with your own

God or whatever created

Experience of life

Or whatever atoms came from

Bonding agents

Well they gave me the choice

To pick freedom

Or chains

And I don't know which in the end

I will gain

It's a state of mind

It's a being of self

And no government or agency

Or elder

Can say

You are positively

Free

But I know that I'm trying

And I know that I'm okay

Say together now

I am free

Birds

And bees

And vine covered trees

They know what life is

But we?

Who are we

To say we know

When all our thinking gets in the way

When theology

And science

And all the things we've come to create

Stand in the way

Of a natural thing

Of our states of hunger

And our peace of instinct

I know what living is

All of us do

Just rip out your eyes

And feel the animal inside

Your guttural hide

The wild side

And then there is love

What else can you do

There is trouble

Deep waters

Sadness

Feelings running close enough

But not quite as deep

Next to your love

Can you feel it yet

Magic

Beyond science

Beyond your crazy beliefs

Can you feel it yet

Then there is love

And what else is there to do

Then there was love