Flies

Would you let me go

Would you let me show

My mind

My mind

Is too covered with flies

With delicate wings

And vicious eyes

Reflecting in mine

Is it too late to face it

Too late to claim

My soul is in my hands

When truly I have no idea

It could be lying on the floor

Where I was left to rot

I sobbed it out

And now I am a rock

As smooth as one can be

Only disguised

To catch the eye

Of a gullible traveler

Who would pick me up

And exclaim in such delight

How I was such a find

How I could sooth their mind

But I'm restless to die

With the rest of my humanity

Restless

I'm getting restless

The taste of stale hate

Breaking off and crumbling

I'm getting rusty

I've found myself covered in dust

I'm getting restless

For a loving touch

Maybe it's your fault

Did you ever think

That maybe it’s your fault

And maybe did you think

You could be wrong

I found it hard to believe

But it’s right there in your eyes

Maybe you’re to blame

And that gives me strength

To say

That’s just okay

It’s fine

Would you keep me cold

In the summer time

I wanted to believe

But you’ve shadowed my mind

And maybe I’m to blame

But I don’t think it’s the case

And maybe you could feel the same

And maybe you’re always right

But truth is hard

When it’s your fault

And that’s okay

It’s fine

The beauty of your face

And the beauty of your grace

It’s hard to feel so sad

When you know your rights to stand

And fight

To give yourself the might

To say

Let’s go

Let’s do everything accordingly

To my will and strength

And that’s okay

It’s fine

But maybe you’re at fault

For the reasons we don’t care

For the blessings in the air

That never sprouted hope

And really that’s just fine

Because maybe you’re to blame

And maybe that’s okay

It’s fine

Life stuff is like a poem only less quixotic, still you are an idea in my own romanticized epic

Honesty and small things

To keep them with your face

To keep them in this place

I wanted arms wrapped around me

I wanted kisses deep

I wanted to be free

I wanted not to be lonely

My wants go with the thought of you

But the sea erodes my edge

As I wait and watch us grow

And imagine a lifetime

With you

Sweet is a word

So is bird

But I see the way they affect

The way they slip into sentimental beauty

Like the seasons slip into each other

I realize I'm being silly

Silly silly girl

With Romantic notions in my head

Laughing it all together

And the place that I was born

The place we came together

The place that you were born

My chemistry is tingling

And my longing touches shore

I wish I could just sit here and talk about you

Praise all the things you do

Tell why I do

But my impatient heart can only focus on itself

And suck my impatient mind with it

And I find I am incoherent

But I'll try anyway

Your kindness

And your youth

Your smile

And your awkward state

Your willingly strange

I love it all

Experiences

When the wind rolled through the house I was covered by the walls of my room. The deepness of the sadness and the puddle in my mind were ringing. I have no life for those I love, I only have my demons. I have no truth, only swallowing holes that broke my beliefs. I said I would break away but the tide pulls me closer. And to feel at all, to feel anything, would break my frozen fingers. My breath, my pulse, my every twitching, I wanted it to be for you but it is for me. I am stuck in my own mind, I am blind, I cannot see.

All the days seem so pointless. The sorrow seems so deep. The stitchings to your mind become undone and the darkness begins to seep inside a hole that cracked your skin. It all seems so stupid when you say it out loud, no one ever actually feels that sad, do they? And no one gets why you shut yourself away, they just blame you for not caring. But you care so much, and you don't know how to make them understand you really do care about them, your just so sad you can't physically become sad for other people. You can't give more of yourself away. So you let yourself decay away from the happy people in the room over. You can't infect them with your sadness and guilt of it.

I am a broken horse

When the learning is hard

And the battle is long

There is no point

There is no rescuing song

If I was not so incomplete

This easy way out would

Seem so neat

To be depressed at all

Would give me an excuse

To feel so bad

To feel so cheap

But still it's so lodged in me

So deep

So deep

And all these things that snagged my path

I want them back

I need them back

It makes me so tired

To find that I have done nothing

And no one has a need to see

That I am more

That I have more

And it makes me sick

Always so sick

The battle is thick

And I can't see

And I can't breathe

But this broken record

Has run its course

I have nothing

I am a broken horse

So take me back in the daytime

To my golden meadow

And lay me down

To sleep

Lay me down

I am so tired

What else can I do

But I don't give the effort

I'm not part of this book

You keep looking

And I've looked enough

Would that count for nothing

In a place with no love

Like it should when I stutter

Into this square shaped

Piece of land

Oh daughter

Oh brother

Oh husband of mine

I'd love you

I'd hold you

But what else could I do

What else can I do

My fingers are cold

Without the light you shined

You wanted me to understand

But I'm too far gone in my mind

I'm too adamant to my own

Too feverish and delicate

I already know

I already know

What else can I do

Please take this love I have for you

It is all I can do

As I lay here to breathe a while

And watch you figure it out

While I sit here and wonder

And your beautiful face

And young springy grace

What else can I do

When I already know you

When I already found out the reasons

And the virtue

And the puzzles

The strife

What else can I do

I already love you

I already do