The world sucks

Why do I have to live my life the way I do. The faces that I love are no where. I want so much to be happy. Everyone wants me to be happy. But I cannot. Am I to blame? Am I so shallow and so stupid and so pitiful and so lost? Am I that helpless? I feel as if everything I do I do for no one. Not even myself. I feel like I am living a life just to keep on moving and breathing. What is that? That is not a life. That is nothing. If you keep on doing what you have been since you were born, what is the use of your pointless life. I want to have some excitement. I want something to happen, anything. I know I might regret that, but why can't I live for something just once.