Happy

If someone asked me if I was happy

I would have to say no

It is not that I try not to be happy

But I just don't want to be happy the way most do

I thought I was happy

I am pretty sure I was

But now that I am here right now

In this moment

I am not

They want me to live in the moment

Well here I am living in it

And I feel like shit

I am sorry

I never wanted to hurt anyone with who I am

I never wanted to be a burden

I never wanted to be so hateful

I just thought I would be happy

I just want to get out of the state of my mind

I thought this was over

But it isn't

And I still need to work a few things out

I know somehow I will be happy

I just don't know when or how

This is my soul

As I poor it out

This is who I want to be

The person you see laughing and smiling

That is who I am

I was made to be happy

And I am

When I am around people who can make me laugh

I am happy

Because I want to be happy

But when I am alone

Why am I so prone to anger

And this sadness

This sadness overcomes me

And I don't know why

I don't know how

I thought it was gone

But it is not gone

And I feel so broken

I just don't want to feel this way anymore

And if anyone actually reads a word I write

Thanks but whatever

I am sorry you had to read that