Alone

hello

i see this grave place

i see this empty space

i want to begin to understand

to hold on tight to anything else

but there is nothing there

besides the wait

and the dripping of heat

as the crack grows wider

and the feeling grows

the emptiness expands

until it consumes

and undermines

hello

i see the growth

i see the destruction

raging inside me

calm, while breaking bit by bit

all i can do is wait

but it is strung so delicately

and i don't know how to wait

it might not ever come

when do i start to look

if it snaps then i am done

forever to be in this expanse

of never relenting pain

until i shrivel to the dust

hello

i see my fate

i see the false

but the pretense

and the fear

i want and i need

to just hold you in my arms

and be safe

can't stand this hurt

pretending to be okay

when all i know

is everyday

how alone

i feel

and hope not to stay

hello

i see this dream

i see my need

i see the feelings i am too afraid to speak

more than lust

or status

or anything at all

just the pulsing

and the waking

and the pull of the waves

waiting to feel anything but the way it feels right now

waiting for it to grow back into the shadows

But the waiting is never enough